As Little Bird & Co., PSC is for underserved creatures just as much as it is for veterinarians, [people with feelings], sometimes it’s important to have those of us fueling the machine stop to refuel themselves, fill up their lovin cup, and take some quiet moments to reflect. When this happens, one of the best things we can do for our mind, health, and future self is to STOP. Stop all of the invasive thoughts relating to vet med- stop thinking about all the business pressures- stop worrying about that nagging client that won’t relent- and just take a moment to b r e a t h e. For me, the perfect way to ensure I get my self- care in, or time to trauma process, is birding.
I just became a birder one day after I had lost a companion of 20 years. I was looking out the window on April 10th, 2019 at an amazing amount of snow that had fallen the night before (mind you, I write this on a balmy spring day, April 13th, 2023 in the shade because it’s 82*F in the evening; that’s so Minnesota) when a cardinal landed just inches away from me in my ash tree. He was breathtaking. He reminded me to appreciate the beauty of life all around me. He reminded me to look up, listen, and with that I birded for the first time.
I have always watched birds, but never really immersed myself in their songs. It became a challenge to learn something new every time I went birding. I became a more proficient spotter, photographer, and so much more enthusiastic about the actual activity of BIRDING. I learned local and easy songs first. I joined groups, bought books, color plates, watched documentaries, worshiped David Attenborough (I have a commissioned portrait of him in my office!)
I had no idea this was self care. It seemed wrong! Selfish. It seemed like I should be doing more for someone, really-everyone because I COULD. So I would offer myself a few hours of bird watching every couple weeks.
It wasn’t enough for me. This year I am hoping to spot a handful of lifer birds. Next year I want to go to Antartica to see pelagics, and challenge myself. That, my friends, is an expensive trip and the only thing in my way!
Why I bird for self care:
When I am grieving a loss of a long time patient, a close friend, or bestest animal in my life, I, by default, crave nature and distraction. I crave silence… or at least NOT a captive orange winged Amazon’s call to the wild mixed with other cacophony of air conditioners, traffic and kids nearby. I distract myself with learning a new skill. I call friends. We talk about our lives then and now. We talk about what we want to do, we talk about how we are not our jobs.
This is something that I have really had to learn the hard way. Let’s talk some truths here about that great profession everyone once apparently wanted to break into. Veterinary medicine.
I often find myself forlorn, dissociated, and anxious. In grief, immobile. My whole world stops. During times of triage we do the next best thing we can. During times of stress, we lean on one another. When the world stops for a pandemic, we show up.
But what happens when we can’t anymore? Like, really, really, hard stop CANNOT. Just before the collapse, the dissociation becomes more frequent, we don’t let ourselves feel anything. We idealize suicide. We want to, no MUST, escape. Leave the area, flee. GO ANYWHERE and BE ANYONE ELSE other than our true selves.
Vet school orientation flash backs:
My depression, ADHD, and anxiety reared their now familiar twisted faces during vet school. During orientation we were told 70% of us wold be clinically depressed by our 3rd year. We were also told to give ourselves some grace by the late great Carl Osborne, DVM- that we were all some of the brightest shining stars!!! He gave us a couple seconds to mentally congratulate ourselves before going on to the Bummerland visit… When all the dazzlers get together, though, it can lead to even more challenging times.
I felt even more lost and that I was not worthy of my seat. I had pivoted from the primary teaching program to biomedical science major in less than a week. My peers, they had always known/regretted not choosing veterinary medicine as their career path. They were techs. They were parents. They were savants! I don’t think I had judged myself so severely my whole life than I did the second I heard that. Bright shining stars.
I was there because of a lizard.
Literally, one lizard. I made a life altering decision based on my experience with a tiny hatchling iguana I knew for only FIVE DAYS. Talk about a passionate, empathetic, traumatized little kid!
Most of the time in vet school I felt like I was so behind. Like I had no more space or time to learn. I knew I wasn’t going into swine production medicine. I knew I would not be a horse doc. I knew I wouldn’t go into public health (so why did stats matter anyway?) I had to learn a new concept hourly. Sometimes we’d have 3 exams or more in a week. All these exams did was desensitize us to the pressure of the boards. I should have taken twice as many exams.
What I didn’t realize was that every thing I did from 2001-2005 was new, different, formative, and I was learning all along.
This lesson from Dr. Osborne was a lesson I didn’t really pick up on fully until about 20 years later. We drive ourselves forward. We improve the profession with our starshine. We are all up against each other in the end for internships, residencies, and the dream career as a specialist.
What I didn’t realize was sometimes we would spread ourselves too thin. We would give and give and give until the compassion fatigue and endless boundary crossing clients ground us to mere fragments of our best, most passionate selves. Some days, we would question ourselves for taking this path; was I good enough?, did I belong here?, what the HELL were they thinking- letting me into vet school! What a fraud! They must not have had many candidates….
The negative self talk that I have always done was not a driver of my success. I would figure that out over 20 years later. My biggest influence would be my many many frustrations, disappointments, and most importantly, my failures.
Enter DVM V3.2 (updated from small animal/exotic DVM to avian/exotic exclusive housecall to hybrid housecall/stationary RV clinic to advocate for little birds). This one has the bug fix for self care allotment- no longer 0. Prompts in the schedule for… “did you get your bird on today?”
While I’m working on my self care, I think you should too. Don’t have a routine? Maybe go outside, and look up. Or, for now, go to the river, go to the dam, face your fears and have an epic spring migration experience.
That’s what I did! That’s it for now. Please leave me some of your nature-related self care favorites to pass along to my other peeps. Be good, and if you can’t please reach out so I can help you out with the debauchery. Love, j
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I couldn’t agree more This blog post really resonated with me. As someone who works in a high-pressure field, I…
I love this Great post! It’s so important to take a moment to refuel and practice self-care, especially in high-stress…
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